Well, hell

Valerie did a far too quick but awesome fly by, spending two short days with me, en route to a spur of the minute trip to Maui with her boyfriend. She is coming back in January as she’d planned already, so this was just a bonus, and I’m so glad she came. We had a great time. I took her to a couple of my favorite beach spots with the girls, showed her a bit of Kona town, the farm, and the lot where I’m going to build my house. That last one validated my choice to buy the lot and I’m so glad she agrees with me that it’s a great idea and we can build it. I feel better about doing it with her involved with her architecture and project management experience.

After she left on Tuesday afternoon, I was running some errands with my friend Bren in town. I was at the lab, trying to get my blood drawn for an iron test, and the order was all fucked up because my primary care doctor has changed practices. All of a sudden, I got super hot and flushed and stopped being able to understand anything. The lady said I was speaking gibberish and helped me call my friend. I didn’t recognize my SUV when she drove up to pick me up. It felt like my brain was melting in front of me — it just wouldn’t work. I lost language, I couldn’t move my arms or my face, could see mouths moving but not understand words. And then I started to shake and tremor on my right side and couldn’t make it stop. By then she’d called 911 and the EMTs were on it, knew it wasn’t the stroke I thought I was having, and got me to the hospital. CAT scan later, with and without contrast, and it was a fairly significant seizure.

Damn it. All day today I’ve been whiny. I’m all done with brain problems, damn it. My lifestyle doesn’t work with seizures. I’m moving on from being sick.

Woe is me. Glazier has requested all the films and I’ll see him on his next trip to Kona, second Monday in December. I may need to go on an anti-seizure, which I’m dreading because I didn’t tolerate them well at all when I had the brain tumor.

I haven’t told the kids. Valerie is on vacation with her boyfriend and I don’t want to ruin it, and Jeremy’s birthday is tomorrow. They were so ready to not have to worry about me anymore.

I’m going to remember being with my kid and try not to dwell too much on the seizure and how hard living with them will be.

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