On being actually fragile

I had an evaluation done at Kona Rehab yesterday that I found a little shocking. The reason I’ve been feeling so fragile is that I actually am pretty fragile right now. My right side is 60% as strong as my left side. I’m right handed, so it should actually be 10-20% stronger. I mean, I know why, right? The tumor affected my right side primarily, and I haven’t been moving very much in the last year, so quantifying it all just makes sense to do.

I have some work cut out for me! Some of the deficits might be permanent, some of it will resolve as I continue to heal, some can be relearned, and the brain will do some re-wiring, most likely. In the meantime, it’s pretty chaotic in my brain right now. Nerves and signals and response rates and all of that need to resync.

My goal, of course, is complete independence. Right now, I have a tribe of people taking care of me, for which I am so grateful. I look forward to being less of a burden and able to really contribute! I have a kitchen at the farm stand just waiting for me to get there.

Since I’m not yet cleared to drive, the insurance is going to have a service pick me up, drive the 90 minutes to Kona, wait for my appointment, and bring me back home. Doing that yesterday absolutely wiped me out, so I’m doing basically nothing today.

I did get a few exercises to work on, things to help my balance, and I’ve got them all entered into my phone with alarms and buzzers.

So I’m back to my cane for a while, in my left hand. And she adjusted it to the right height. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at needing it. Three brain surgeries in six months is a lot to handle. I figure Disa and I can get back into shape again together. (She is SO FAT!) Eventually, though, not this instant. I’m back to trying to just chill and not make bread the instant I’m left alone. Oops. It just seems to happen!

Oops, made bread