3 weeks post-craniotomy

Three weeks ago they cut my head open! Look at how well that scar is healing. It’s barely raised at all. The only part that it itchy at all is the scabby bit at the very back of the head, but even that is really minor. My hair is growing back so quickly. It looks like I’m going to have gray really strong at both temples. I’m sort of hoping that it’s a big enough streak to be able to add some color, like purple or blue. Who am I kidding, it’ll be purple.

Lots of concerned people wrote to me about suddenly stopping the happy pill, and how dangerous that can be. I don’t seem to be having any bad reactions from it, lucky me. When I started on it was just after the diagnosis, because I had suicidal thoughts so strongly in my head, and my PCP wasn’t sure if it was from the tumor pushing on stuff, or just the fact that I had a supposedly inoperable tumor in my head. It worked really well at making those voices get the hell out of my head, and keeping me pretty sane and calm through the whole roller coaster ride. I’m grateful for that, actually, very much so. When people told me how strong I was and brave, I’m pretty sure lots of that was from that happy pill. Better living through chemistry!

I’ve been driving myself around the last few days — yay! I found myself getting a bit teary on the way in this morning, looking out at the beautiful view of the ocean, how lucky I am to be alive, and here. I wonder how much emotional stuff I’ll need to process, how much I just buried because it was too scary to contemplate. I’m okay with feeling all of that now, letting myself wallow a bit in the twilight zone craziness that this whole trip has been.