On being actually fragile

I had an evaluation done at Kona Rehab yesterday that I found a little shocking. The reason I’ve been feeling so fragile is that I actually am pretty fragile right now. My right side is 60% as strong as my left side. I’m right handed, so it should actually be 10-20% stronger. I mean, I know why, right? The tumor affected my right side primarily, and I haven’t been moving very much in the last year, so quantifying it all just makes sense to do.

I have some work cut out for me! Some of the deficits might be permanent, some of it will resolve as I continue to heal, some can be relearned, and the brain will do some re-wiring, most likely. In the meantime, it’s pretty chaotic in my brain right now. Nerves and signals and response rates and all of that need to resync.

My goal, of course, is complete independence. Right now, I have a tribe of people taking care of me, for which I am so grateful. I look forward to being less of a burden and able to really contribute! I have a kitchen at the farm stand just waiting for me to get there.

Since I’m not yet cleared to drive, the insurance is going to have a service pick me up, drive the 90 minutes to Kona, wait for my appointment, and bring me back home. Doing that yesterday absolutely wiped me out, so I’m doing basically nothing today.

I did get a few exercises to work on, things to help my balance, and I’ve got them all entered into my phone with alarms and buzzers.

So I’m back to my cane for a while, in my left hand. And she adjusted it to the right height. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at needing it. Three brain surgeries in six months is a lot to handle. I figure Disa and I can get back into shape again together. (She is SO FAT!) Eventually, though, not this instant. I’m back to trying to just chill and not make bread the instant I’m left alone. Oops. It just seems to happen!

Oops, made bread

6 thoughts on “On being actually fragile”

  1. YOUNG LADY…. You are so very lucky ( and I know you know it ) you are still here and with a bunch of people WILLING/WANTING to help you every step of the way, so stop bitching ( not a good word but only one that comes to mind ) and let your body and the health people get you back to a point where you WILL be at the kitchen once again baking your lovely bread and walking the ” girls ” so they aren’t fat anymore !!!

    You have SO many people ( I am very jealous ) rooting for you and your recovery I wish you would stop feeling sorry, heck it hasn’t even been 6 months since you had your operation and you want to be up and running again, COME ON, let your body get use to your old ( not completely anymore ) ways of doing things !!!

    As I use to tell someone in my past while she was going through her cancer, ” baby steps, you have to take baby steps ” your body will tell you things you don’t want to hear but you have to !!!! At least taking those baby steps you have your purple cane, now if we could only find you that purple ” Tilley ” hat that could be a great start…

    I know everyone is happy you for you, well except yourself and NOW it is time that YOU be happy for yourself too….

    Enough said ( most likely too much ) except Lisa, I am so happy things are going ” well ” for you and I wish you the speediest recovery your BODY/MIND will allow !!!!!


  2. Dammit, yes I did spoil Disa rotten. But compared to the way she was the Vermont winter after we had her fixed, she is merely a little chunky.

    Anyway, get better and I’ll be there soon.

  3. I just happened to be sitting at a lunch table of people talking about how long various sports injuries of theirs had taken to heal. It wasn’t uncommon to hear, a year, and there wasn’t any brain surgery involved ! You’ve got a great goal, but it’s not going to be reached as soon as you’d like. Happy Recovering ! LOVE the shoes !


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