Staying Alive, staying alive

The soundtrack of my life right now seems to be disco! That and full on sobbing. I have a feeling that I’ve been holding it together as best I can and suddenly it’s all coming out. Or my happy pills need to be increased, or I just need to get this fucker OUT of my head.

I’ve also had a non-stop headache with very little sleep overnight that nothing is touching. So unfair. After all the good news yesterday, I’m like wait, why isn’t it over now? I still have to deal with it? WTF?

I’m obsessing over the weirdest things, like wanting to shave my head before the surgery rather than after. I have no clue why, but part of it is just the thought of doing it after squicks me. Why? WTH knows, right, and it surely doesn’t matter, crazy lady. I don’t care about being bald or my hair. I wear hats all the time anyway.

Don’t google craniotomy. I’d say I have to stay off of google, but google is where that very short list of surgeons was found, so yay, google!

We are pretty sure we’ve now found homes for all of the critters. Oddly, they are all going to Virginia. If they can get there before my surgery date, then Frank can hopefully find someone who can watch the Icie pups, and come be with me for the surgery. Also, don’t google brain surgery survival rates. At least I have a chance, and I can’t keep living with this fucker in my head.

The doctor yesterday said these tumors usually grow 1 mm per year, and mine grew 2 mm in five months, so we should not wait any longer.

Now we work on getting the insurance referral. He also wants me to go see eye doctor because of something about permanent damage to vision because of pressure. Not sure what can be done, but who knows.

I keep thinking about all the things I’ll be able to do again, like drive! swim! hike! have a future! Frank and I are going to build a little place here in paradise with my best friends. Does it get better than that?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive, staying alive


2 thoughts on “Staying Alive, staying alive”

  1. Lisa, you WILL survive !!! Oh I am sure there are going to be some up and downs along the way BUT you WILL survive.

    As for shaving, speaking as a bald man, shave now and enjoy the feeling of freedom and maybe even a bit of color to boot….

    I can see YOU and FRANK in that little ” grass shack ” for a long, long time….

    ps: Tell Frank, I will go and ” babysit ” if I have to, to make sure he gets to your side !!!

  2. I saw the titles of your posts before I read this one, and thought, disco songs! It’ll take all the strength you have not to fall apart – but you’ll grow strong!

    It’s all right, it’s ok . . . actually, even though I can hear it in my head, I am not sure of many other words in “Staying Alive.” I can tell something by the way you use your walk.

    Given how often songs pop into my head based on situations, I really was hoping to add to you list: how about, Ain’t No Stopping You Now?

    Hoping and praying (and wishing, I guess) for the best!


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