Staying Alive, staying alive

The soundtrack of my life right now seems to be disco! That and full on sobbing. I have a feeling that I’ve been holding it together as best I can and suddenly it’s all coming out. Or my happy pills need to be increased, or I just need to get this fucker OUT of my head.

I’ve also had a non-stop headache with very little sleep overnight that nothing is touching. So unfair. After all the good news yesterday, I’m like wait, why isn’t it over now? I still have to deal with it? WTF?

I’m obsessing over the weirdest things, like wanting to shave my head before the surgery rather than after. I have no clue why, but part of it is just the thought of doing it after squicks me. Why? WTH knows, right, and it surely doesn’t matter, crazy lady. I don’t care about being bald or my hair. I wear hats all the time anyway.

Don’t google¬†craniotomy. I’d say I have to stay off of google, but google is where that very short list of surgeons was found, so yay, google!

We are pretty sure we’ve now found homes for all of the critters. Oddly, they are all going to Virginia. If they can get there before my surgery date, then Frank can hopefully find someone who can watch the Icie pups, and come be with me for the surgery. Also, don’t google brain surgery survival rates. At least I have a chance, and I can’t keep living with this fucker in my head.

The doctor yesterday said these tumors usually grow 1 mm per year, and mine grew 2 mm in five months, so we should not wait any longer.

Now we work on getting the insurance referral. He also wants me to go see eye doctor because of something about permanent damage to vision because of pressure. Not sure what can be done, but who knows.

I keep thinking about all the things I’ll be able to do again, like drive! swim! hike! have a future! Frank and I are going to build a little place here in paradise with my best friends. Does it get better than that?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive, staying alive